Where are they now?

It’s been a crazy few years, huh? What’s happened? Where is everybody? Turn your chair around, sit on it like you’re a confident cowboy and I’ll tell you.

Firstly the big news. Gilmour joined the filth and is now a pig. Hallelujah! Yeah. So he’s not running much. Typical Gilmour. He was okay at running for a few months, went on like he was Haile Gabrselassie and then gave up when his job got in the way. What a loser. Tell you what, though, if he can get people to give up crime the way he got them to give up running then he’ll be Chief Inspector in no time.

Dan Romeril moved to instagram where he now lives in that little screen on your phone. There’s loads of videos of him running around some sun-kissed country, half naked. Yeah, he just wears a vest and no shorts these days. Like Winnie the Pooh. Kinda weird but he’s getting the subscribers so he’s doing something right. He’s started an onlyfans. @running.teacher. Check it out, it’s sexy as hell.

Gorgeous Tom is still around. Still gorgeous. Still called Tom. I think he said he was going to try and be a triathlete but to be honest it’s hard to talk to Tom. You just get lost in his eyes. Hope he doesn’t become a triathlete because triathlon is the Neapolitan ice cream of sports. It’s shit. Nobody really likes it but your mum buys it because she’s a bit simple.

Steve Leyland Port-Salut is dead. Maybe. Who knows, and let’s be honest, who really cares?

James Faudemer is still running. He’s running better than ever, to be precise, and the best thing is he’s got a new sidekick now that Gilmour’s out of the picture. Yeah, James has been running with a guy called George Rice. Remember that name. Actually here’s a helpful tip which will help you remember. Rest/Ice/Compression/Elevation. Just remember that and you’ll remember George’s surname. If you forget his first name just think of George from Seinfeld. You’ll want to remember it because George is fast as fuck. If you think Faudemer is fast then you haven’t seen anything yet because George is very slightly faster. Yesterday they both ran a 52 minutes 10 miler! Holy fucking shit, eh? Rapid. Sure, they all wear cheaty shoes these days, so you have to take those times with a massive pinch of salt but it’s still impressive.

Yeah, you really could say things have changed lately when it comes to the Island running scene.

Things have changed for me too. I managed to run for a whole year without getting injured. Unheard of for me. That was until December when I got injured. I’d just seen Ibbo and told him about how I hadn’t been injured in ages and then I tore something at the back of my knee. Thought that was it. Career over. Thought I was done for but three weeks of walking on the treadmill on a 15% incline and I was better. I also bought some new shoes. I got some Hoka One One Clifton Sevens. My friend said they sound like a shipping forecast. I thought that was pretty funny, wished I’d thought of it. I don’t really like them but they’re red and so I wear them because sometimes it’s nice to wear red shoes. I also got a pair of Asics SkySensor Japans. They’re blue. I haven’t worn them yet. Don’t want to get them dirty. I got some Saucony Endorphin Speeds – they’re nice. Really fucking nice. I’ll wear them if it’s sunny and warm. I also bought a pair of cheaty shoes. Yeah, I know. I got a pair of Vaporflys. Haven’t worn them yet, either. Gonna save them for a race, if there ever is one. I’ll probably be able to run 10 miles in 52 minutes wearing those cocksuckers.

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